Beloved
by nogigglingmajor
Summary: Here I am, I'm right here, oh I wish you could feel me...


Elizabeth drifted through the various corridors of Atlantis, her features empty and sad

**AN:** this came to me while I was listening to the song, very sad guys. The song is 'Beloved' by Wendy Matthews, always makes me cry.

**Disclaimer:** SGA is not mine, if it was it would NEVER have got to this point!

Beloved

Elizabeth drifted through the various corridors of Atlantis, her features empty and sad. After several attempts to leave, she had discovered that she was trapped here, surrounded by all her friends and colleagues, yet at the same time separated from them forever. It was funny really, she'd always believed people got trapped where they died, and she had not died in Atlantis. Unfinished business had brought her here, business that would forever remain unfinished. She was trapped forever. The woman lashed out at wall but the momentum merely propelled her through it, unable to make contact. She was angry, angry at the world, at whoever was up there, at herself. It was her own fault she was stuck here, because of her own stupidity and stubbornness.

The wall she fell through had been the wall to the control room. Elizabeth had long given up trying to get their attention. She couldn't touch anything, let alone rampage the place like in the movies. The gate was activated and she watched as her number one team stepped through, hearing Samantha Carter congratulate them on a successful mission. She drifted to her usual spot on the balcony overlooking the gateroom. John's eyes glanced at her, though she knew he couldn't see her. It was only habit now. She didn't bother to sit in on the briefing, what was the point? She hovered around the control room, checking on each technicians work, and chatting to them, telling them they were doing good, that she was proud of them. She spent most her days here now, it was safer than visiting her team. Not being able to talk to Chuck was one thing, but her team…she just couldn't face them.

However, later that night, when the control room was quiet and virtually empty, Elizabeth became lonely and found herself drifting down the corridors that contained the personnel quarters. She found Teyla making her bed, her stomach starting to show under her clothes. She sat on the bed and sighed, hands in her hand and turned her gaze out the window. She grabbed something off her side table and walked to watch the rain. Curious, Elizabeth followed and saw the photo of her that Teyla held. Tears were rolling down her cheeks and she clutched the photo in one hand and her stomach with the other. She sunk onto the window seat and pressed her forehead to the cold glass.

Elizabeth wanted desperately to comfort her. "Teyla, it's alright, I'm here…I'm right here." Her voice chocked as the shouts fell on deaf ears and her hands floated through the Athosian's hair.

…_**Here I am, I'm right here**_

_**O I wish you could feel me**_

_**Standing so close**_

_I'm right beside you dear __…_

She fled her friend's room, unable to witness the pain any longer. She saw Ronan stalking down the corridor and yelled at him, pleaded with him to go to Teyla, she tried to drag him but hands passed through him and he continued, Teyla was left alone. Elizabeth ran.

…_**I float through this old man house**_

_**I float through the walls**_

_**I scream and call**_

_While I watch you without me…_

She found the labs next, Rodney, as usual the only one up this late huddled by his laptop in the corner. Looking over his shoulder she saw the nanite code, her nanite code.

"Rodney it's no use, I'm dead! I'm dead Rodney." His eyes were red, and Elizabeth knew he blamed himself for what happened to her.

"Dammit!" His hand suddenly flew out and hit the keyboard and he put his head in his hands. "I'm so sorry Elizabeth, so sorry. It just won't work." Elizabeth calmed by her friends voice gently placed her arms around him as best she could.

"It's ok Rodney, I know you tried. Just leave it, let it go." He just sat there and Elizabeth laid her head on the back of his neck and tried as hard as she could.

"Rodney, please go to Teyla, please, please help her." And then she quietened, knowing it was useless. She stood there for an hour, as Rodney stayed hunched, and unmoving. Eventually he lifted his head and closed his laptop. Looking up at the clock, he switched the light off and left the labs. Elizabeth walked beside him, her hand brushing through his every so often. They past Teyla's room and Elizabeth stopped hopefully. Rodney stopped a few steps ahead of her and sighed. Turning around he knocked on Teyla's door and quietly entered.

…_**All I feel, all I am now**_

_**Is this love I have for you**_

_**Each night it's you,**_

_**You I lay beside**__**…**_

Elizabeth paced nervously outside John's quarters, inside was her one great strength and weakness; her unfinished business. There was no reason why she should go in, it wouldn't make any difference to her situation, in fact it might make her worse. She heard footsteps approaching and without thinking she jumped through the door, then chided herself. It's not like anyone could see her. Just then she was distracted by music, and turned around.

…_**I close my eyes, never to sleep**_

_**I tell you all the things I should have said**_

_**But you'll never know**_

_**How could I act such a part**_

_**As to love the one who breaks my heart**_

_**I had to go ...**_

Her heart clenched and she wanted to scream. John was sitting on his bed playing a soft tune on his guitar, there was picture of her in a frame on his table, but he wasn't looking at it. War and Peace lay untouched next to it; the marker left where he had stopped reading – 2 days before they left her behind. She drifted closer, and placing his arms around his neck, let her head rest on his should as he played.

…_**So put your hands here around my waist**_

_**Though you cannot feel my touch dear**_

_**And dance with me as you did before**_

_**I'm bound forever to this house**_

_**I can never go beyond that door**_

_**I dance alone…**_

She wandered in front of him and started to sway, pretending he was dancing with her. But when she looked up his eyes looked right through her. She stopped and walked through the room, gliding her hand across the desk and pretended she could fell the warmth. She saw the pot he'd given her as birthday present sitting on his desk and she smiled, knowing that her father's watch lay inside and that it was safe, though pained that she couldn't hold it. John was playing another song now, but his eyes were still sad. Elizabeth returned to her position behind him and tried to press her cheek against his, he bent his head closer and she wanted to cry.

…_**So when you think of me, smile**_

_**It's the only way that I can see**_

_**That you still care for me**_

_**I close my eyes, never to sleep**_

_**I tell you all the things I should have said**_

_**But you'll never know**_

_**How could I act such a part**_

_**As to love the one who breaks my heart**_

_**I had to go ...**_

"I love you John, I do." He couldn't hear her and he never would, and she would simply have to accept that. He was packing up now, gently placing his guitar against the wall. He retrieved her father's watch and made saw it was still ticking then placed it back in the pot. Elizabeth dreaded the day it stopped. With the lights off he got into bed and reached for her photo, gently stroking his finger down the frame. He put it back on the desk and rolled over.

…_**Here I am, I'm right here**_

_**How I wish you could see me dear**_

_**O my dear ...**_

AN: Sorry for the sadness guys, but it simple wouldn't leave me alone.


End file.
